Idine Espanyas
Aes Sedai
It’s so easy to judge when you’re not the one living in that situation, isn’t it? I think anyone could get into an abusive situation, it’s not a matter of intelligence. 
Discussion Topic: Sharing Domestic Violence Survivor Stories
- Thread starter Dianna Melear
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Seryse ni Cousland
Aes Sedai
Jaryd, thank you for sharing. I had no idea that things were that horrifically awful. I am so very sorry. (I love you all. I am so sorry that you all have gone through this. I particularly single out Jaryd because we've been friends for like, fifty million years. Like 14? But I'm 27 so that's about half my life.)
I don't really have the spoons to share everything here, but I have been emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and sexually abused by people who were supposed to love and protect me. It warps your sense of self beyond belief and takes many years of work to overcome. It isn't fair that the survivors are the ones who are hurt and the ones that have to do the heavy lifting in healing... But the work is so worth it.
I don't really have the spoons to share everything here, but I have been emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and sexually abused by people who were supposed to love and protect me. It warps your sense of self beyond belief and takes many years of work to overcome. It isn't fair that the survivors are the ones who are hurt and the ones that have to do the heavy lifting in healing... But the work is so worth it.
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- #23
Whew, I really didn't think this would be so hard for me to write, so I'm not going into details. From October of last year to May of this year, I was under the influence of a clinically diagnosed narcissist of the highest order. He moved into my house and would not leave, it wasn't until August 10th that I was finally able to remove him. When he wasn't drinking, he was a fantastic human. Hard-working, driven, intelligent, kind and caring. Unfortunately he was almost always drinking. The positive spin on the physical abuse is it got the police here to remove him - unfortunately, emotional and financial abuse aren't crimes.
My children never saw any of the physical and my youngest is too young to have caught seeing his drinking and mean mouth toward me, but my older daughter picked up on it on the end. Once she and I were a team against him, it got real darn bad. Worse than when I stopped "feeding" his narcissism. It took me longer than I would like to admit to catch on that he was just baiting me, but once I did, I could start to heal from the fact that he never actually loved me, I was just supply, which made it very easy in the following months to have him removed.
I'm proud that I caught his manipulation and got out of it early. He thought he was feeding on someone weak and broken but joke was on him, there's nothing that can hurt me more to what my mother (also a narcissist) has already done to me. I know all the tricks. And in that regard, the worst part was indeed her reaction once she found out what had been going on (what had I done to cause him to treat me that way, wanting to know "his side," being angry because I lied about what was going on...)
So! That's why you all haven't seen me around much lately, but I am working on becoming more active.
My children never saw any of the physical and my youngest is too young to have caught seeing his drinking and mean mouth toward me, but my older daughter picked up on it on the end. Once she and I were a team against him, it got real darn bad. Worse than when I stopped "feeding" his narcissism. It took me longer than I would like to admit to catch on that he was just baiting me, but once I did, I could start to heal from the fact that he never actually loved me, I was just supply, which made it very easy in the following months to have him removed.
I'm proud that I caught his manipulation and got out of it early. He thought he was feeding on someone weak and broken but joke was on him, there's nothing that can hurt me more to what my mother (also a narcissist) has already done to me. I know all the tricks. And in that regard, the worst part was indeed her reaction once she found out what had been going on (what had I done to cause him to treat me that way, wanting to know "his side," being angry because I lied about what was going on...)
So! That's why you all haven't seen me around much lately, but I am working on becoming more active.
Nebka Galyn
Aes Sedai
Thank you all for sharing your stories!
I know it's hard to talk about but it is so important to let it be known that there are people out there who can and will try to support you when you are going through these things. Sadly this kind of stuff happens to way to many people.
I know it's hard to talk about but it is so important to let it be known that there are people out there who can and will try to support you when you are going through these things. Sadly this kind of stuff happens to way to many people.
Idine Espanyas
Aes Sedai
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I have been in some abusive relationships. It's not just significant others who can do it. I'm not sure if it's a good place here to share some of the situations.
What I can say is that the trauma PTSD from these types of relationships is very, very real. I keep catching myself at work or elsewhere apologizing for missing things because of those past relationships. In at least one of those situations I was rather effectively brainwashed into thinking I was the problem and I reacted accordingly. Everything wrong became my fault and something I needed to apologize for, even if it was not my fault at all. I'm still trying to undo that brainwashing via regular therapy.
In virtually every abusive situation I've been in, when I tried reporting it I was painted as the villain. In these situations I've absolutely noticed that the other side tries to brainwash the victim into thinking like that, and that can definitely leak out into whether the victim feels like they can report the situation or seek help.
It's also wise to remember, like what Anna says, that sometimes it's impossible to report because there is no evidence, or the authorities will not do anything because they cannot do anything.
What I can say is that the trauma PTSD from these types of relationships is very, very real. I keep catching myself at work or elsewhere apologizing for missing things because of those past relationships. In at least one of those situations I was rather effectively brainwashed into thinking I was the problem and I reacted accordingly. Everything wrong became my fault and something I needed to apologize for, even if it was not my fault at all. I'm still trying to undo that brainwashing via regular therapy.
In virtually every abusive situation I've been in, when I tried reporting it I was painted as the villain. In these situations I've absolutely noticed that the other side tries to brainwash the victim into thinking like that, and that can definitely leak out into whether the victim feels like they can report the situation or seek help.
It's also wise to remember, like what Anna says, that sometimes it's impossible to report because there is no evidence, or the authorities will not do anything because they cannot do anything.
Raevyn Tsornin
Aes Sedai
all of you are very brave for sharing your stories. thank you
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- #28
Thank you so much, all of you, for sharing your stories. However much or little you want to share is absolutely fine. @Cattrin al'Modrah you're absolutely right that domestic violence/abuse can come at the hands of those who aren't romantic partners or significant others. That's the type talked about most frequently, but domestic abuse at the hands of relatives, friends, or roommates is absolutely still abuse.
If anyone wants to share their experiences with domestic abuse at the hands of those who aren't romantic partners, this is also definitely the place to do so. Please feel free to share as much or as little as you want and/or feel comfortable.
I really admire the bravery and courage of everyone who has stepped up and shared so far. I cannot say thank you enough!!
If anyone wants to share their experiences with domestic abuse at the hands of those who aren't romantic partners, this is also definitely the place to do so. Please feel free to share as much or as little as you want and/or feel comfortable.
I really admire the bravery and courage of everyone who has stepped up and shared so far. I cannot say thank you enough!!