I understand what you are saying. What is real danger and what’s not? But there is no doubt once they start attacking. And you’re right she had no idea who was on those ships.
Moiraine is dedicated to Rand but I don’t think she wants to control him. It’s more like she wants to guide him so that he does what he has to do to save the world. He’s young and clueless mostly
Siuan definitely wanted to control him and would have caged him.
As for the 3rd oath, the one power...