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I think you are discounting the value of learning by observation. You can learn what NOT to do as well as what TO do, simply by watching someone, and both are equally valuable in forming a final opinion and course of action.

Also keep in mind that Elayne's actions as both an Aes Sedai and as Queen of Andor were not exactly subtle or a secret, and Rand was the Dragon Reborn with access to a vast network of informants. She may not have been sitting on his knee TELLING him how to lead, but years / months of watching...