Gendered SM Forums

Discussion in 'Ask the White Tower' started by Alexstrasz Ruskein, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. Alyria Savoinya

    Alyria Savoinya Aes Sedai Forum Moderator

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    I agree. I want/need for my own personal sense of belonging a group of people that have had experiences like mine to share, well, experiences with, and thus far in my life they've been very cis-female and strongly associated with my reproductive organs, bearing and raising children, and boobs :cheese These issues are, unfortunately, very much a guiding arrow in my life and I would hate losing this venue for discussion. It's been very, very helpful to me.

    I don't care what you call it, though - the "parlour" is pretty fluffy.

    I don't really care who is in it, either - I can see the value of a trans person being part of this group, especially newly in physical transition.

    And I'm not opposed to some other forum, whatever - forum it up my friends.

    Thanks, Alex for bringing this up. I've thought about it a few times, recently.
     
  2. Alexstrasz Ruskein

    Alexstrasz Ruskein My pronoun is They, for I am Legion Aes Sedai Historian Forum Moderator Mafia Admin

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    As I said at the very beginning,
    I'm glad y'all support the idea, but where did anyone get the impression that something was going to be taken away from you??? I guess perhaps Alyria got that impression from Dnae's post, but.........???


    We do. It's a valid point that some folx might want access to both a forum that reflects their gender and a forum that reflects their physical experiences. For me, personally, any conversation I would care to have about my body, I would just bring up in the Brown Chambers, because I feel no kinship to strangers based solely on body parts. But I'm aware that it's meaningful to others, and the possibility that folx could opt into (or out of) forums that reflect both situations and not just one or the other would be cool.


    I'm glad it's an idea on a lot of people's minds :)
     
  3. Alyria Savoinya

    Alyria Savoinya Aes Sedai Forum Moderator

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    I dunno I was just saying things :cheese
     
  4. Alexstrasz Ruskein

    Alexstrasz Ruskein My pronoun is They, for I am Legion Aes Sedai Historian Forum Moderator Mafia Admin

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    I just wanted to make sure folx were all on the same page. So often, when people talk about change, there are those who assume life is a zero-sum game, and that they will lose something if someone else gains. I don't figure either of you are that sort of person, but don't want others to read the thread later and see a couple posts about having forums taken away and start panicking.
     
  5. Dnae Ila

    Dnae Ila Gaidin Company Commander of Dai M'hael

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    Thank you for making that clear.
    When integration happened, there was talk about removing the gendered forums but, obviously, it was decided there was a need. I was just trying to reinforce that I think that still holds true.
     
  6. Elania al'Manir

    Elania al'Manir Aes Sedai Forum Moderator

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    Calen also brought up the suggestion in this thread specifically.
     
  7. Alexstrasz Ruskein

    Alexstrasz Ruskein My pronoun is They, for I am Legion Aes Sedai Historian Forum Moderator Mafia Admin

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    He did, but Venric and I responded to him.

    ... as I type this out, I'm realizing that Dnae's and Alyria's posts could have been chiming in on the "yes, it's a thing that's important to us" response to Calen. That makes more sense. Thanks for helping my brain along as it took the scenic route. I just didn't want anyone to think I wanted to take their stuff away.

    The female SM forum does have lots of activity. I hear the male one is basically a ghost town. So, I can see why men might not understand there being a need/desire for gendered forums, but I also know that many women really do want and make use of such spaces, some of my friends included.
     
  8. Sa'areah Britthorn

    Sa'areah Britthorn Aes Sedai Director of Membership

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    Safe spaces are definitely a needed thing, so that's something that won't disappear.
    However, we need to ensure that we're not misgendering others (something I can only apologise for if I've done that by the forums).
    Im liking the ideas, and thanks Alex for bringing it up.
     
  9. Adina al'Mari

    Adina al'Mari Aes Sedai

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    Yes, we do have transgender friends on this site.

    The Parlor/whatever the men’s side is called were left gendered at the time of integration since the Ajahs and Companies becoming mixed genders. There was a safety/privacy/mental health concern with multiple genders sharing their private group spaces. Some women especially, wanted private place to discuss gendered issues. The fact that it is outside of the group affiliations hasn’t been an issue that I am aware of. I faintly recall that there was perhaps a mention of a non-binary forum, but I’m not sure what our membership was like at the time demographically speaking.

    Speaking from my own pov, I’ve really benefited from discussions in the Parlor, and I feel it adds value. It’s sometimes the only place I see fellow site members because they and I don’t get out of chambers very often, tho I am taking steps to change that for myself. :D
     
  10. Drake O' Neeus

    Drake O' Neeus Gaidin Forum Moderator

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    I can just request not to see them? I'm in.
    Take me out if the clubhouse please
     
  11. Dnae Ila

    Dnae Ila Gaidin Company Commander of Dai M'hael

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    It seems like we are all in agreement that the gendered forums fill a purpose and are needed. I don't think anyone wants them to go away.

    I think it's a good idea and one easily done to allow members to request removal from those groups. As it's a whole forum and not a single thread, I think it's reasonable to allow removal rather than tell them to just ignore it.

    As far as possibly creating a third forum for folx who don't wholly identify with either gender binary, I would like to hear more from those members. I know Alexstrasz has said they don't particularly care for having one. I wouldn't want it to end up being a decision made for non-cis people by cis people, you know?
     
  12. Alexstrasz Ruskein

    Alexstrasz Ruskein My pronoun is They, for I am Legion Aes Sedai Historian Forum Moderator Mafia Admin

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    To clarify, I think it would be a good thing to have one, especially since there are folx who have expressed interest. I just don't venture outside of Brown a whole lot, so I don't personally feel a strong need, and probably wouldn't participate much (just like I almost never participate in SM), but it would be cool to have one.

    In addition to this thread, it could be a question on a Membership Survey: whether folx would like to see one, don't care one way or the other, or doesn't affect them.
     
  13. Adina al'Mari

    Adina al'Mari Aes Sedai

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    Sa is basically the only one who posts in SM nowadays. :lol
     
  14. Sa'areah Britthorn

    Sa'areah Britthorn Aes Sedai Director of Membership

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    That's pretty true :lol
     
  15. Ilissa al'Nari

    Ilissa al'Nari Scribe of the Glitterati Aes Sedai

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    Thank you for bringing this up, Alex (is it okay if i call you that?) -- I think it is a discussion worth having. While I don't use the Parlour all that much (and yeah, I really don't like that name, can we please change it?) I do enough that I would hate to lose it. And I can certainly understand that there might be a need/want for some to have a trans*/inter*/non-binary sort of space, although as an individual who mostly identify as cis it wouldn¨t be for me.
     
  16. Alexstrasz Ruskein

    Alexstrasz Ruskein My pronoun is They, for I am Legion Aes Sedai Historian Forum Moderator Mafia Admin

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    Feel free to call me Alex! :nom