How to overcome my shyness

Discussion in 'Ask the White Tower' started by Elyth Valys, Mar 1, 2017.

  1. Elyth Valys

    Elyth Valys Citizen

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    So... This is by far the strangest question any of you will ever see here. Well, that might be exaggerating, but it is strange, and I don't know if this is a good place for it. As the title implies, I am shy. It is lesser online than if I were meeting a new person in public, but it exists. What I was wondering was if you had any tips to overcome it. I am working to get a place in the novice books and to do this I need the two sponsors, but I feel the best way to do this is meet the Aes Sedai and make friends with them. You see the predicament. And I just want to meet people here in general, so any advice or help is very welcome.
     
  2. Ealandrelle Melyma

    Ealandrelle Melyma Aes Sedai

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    In general, the best way to get to know people on here is just to post where you can, and get involved in conversations :) You don't need to write lots, but just posting in various threads (such as the Ajah tables in the Old Warder & Hen) is a good place to start. Or have a look in the discussion halls to see if you have shared interests with anyone, and get chatting in there. I appreciate that it can be daunting, especially when it feels like everyone else knows each other. But this is a really welcoming community, and we're always happy to have someone new join in :)
     
  3. Elyth Valys

    Elyth Valys Citizen

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    I have been trying, and I manage to get a post in here and there, but I don't feel like it is doing much.
     
  4. Liam al'Eire

    Liam al'Eire Poet Laureate Aes Sedai

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    I don't know how much help it might be, but if you'd like you can join the new Citizen's Class (5.0) in the classroom. It provides a forum where you get to meet new people, learn about the site, and participate in group discussions.
    Not to mention you'll meet some great Junior and Senior members (your instructors).
     
  5. Alora Sionn

    Alora Sionn Mama Wolf Gaidin Forum Moderator

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    I used to be cripplingly shy. I still am a little shy to some degree but it's like a drop of water compared to the ocean it used to be. The difference for me was when I turned 30 and the year after that. I realised that I didn't want to waste any more of my life being afraid of people in social situations, because what is the worst they can do? They can't take away the fact that you're you and they aren't going to physically hurt you. The worst thing that can happen is there will be some people you don't jive with and that is ok. :hug

    Some things I can suggest:

    1) There is a Citizen's Class underway, it just now got started so you can definitely jump in and get to know some people :)

    2) Come to the Lucky Fox and you will soon have a group of people offering you drinks, food and music/dancing.

    3)Feel free to post in the Random PM's Thread! You PM the person above you so you will get to know 2 people at once.

    4) Hop in chat! People are really welcoming and you can chill and throw in the occasional input when it's active :)

    I find the best way to do something that really makes you nervous is to just do it like ripping off a band aid. The worst thing in my experience is the waiting and dread of not knowing what's going to happen. And keep in mind that pretty much everyone in the world has felt awkward at one time. Even if they seem like they have everything together, we all have our struggles so don't feel somehow less than someone who doesn't seem shy. Know inside that you are worth getting to know, and take the plunge! You can PM me anytime to ask questions or to talk to ^^
     
  6. Elyth Valys

    Elyth Valys Citizen

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    Hasn't the class already started though? I hadn't joined since I thought it did.
     
  7. Katrie Ilmarien

    Katrie Ilmarien

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    It has, but you can still join up. ^^
     
  8. Elyth Valys

    Elyth Valys Citizen

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    Alright, I will have to do that. What about the tower chat? If I can muster up the courage to talk there would that be a possible way?
     
  9. Elyth Valys

    Elyth Valys Citizen

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    Oh, I didn't see what Alora suggested. I will try that! Thank you!
     
  10. Alora Sionn

    Alora Sionn Mama Wolf Gaidin Forum Moderator

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    No prob :D Every Friday at 9pm EST Mewl does a chat night so that's a good time to pop in if you can :)
     
  11. Roheryn ni Galghandhrei t'al'Djinn

    Roheryn ni Galghandhrei t'al'Djinn Aes Sedai Membership Activities Coordinator Head of the Green Ajah

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    These are all good suggestions. But I know exactly where you are coming from, I am so stupidly shy sometimes it is ridiculous. I don't have anything further to add right this minute, my allergies kicked in hard core today and I'm only half here..
     
  12. Elania al'Manir

    Elania al'Manir Aes Sedai Forum Moderator

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    One of the big things for me personally was learning that it's okay to join established conversations. When you're new it seems like everyone already knows each other and you're an outsider looking in. HOWEVER - once i worked up to joining those conversations, I found that I was quickly welcomed and everyone was happy to see a new face. Someone mentioned the Ajah/Company tables in the Olde Warder and Hen, for example. You're looking at joining a group of people who already know each other and it seems daunting. Wanna know a secret? Those tables are there for them to get to know Citizens and vice-versa. ;)
     
  13. Elyth Valys

    Elyth Valys Citizen

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    One thing I was told was that the way you see it, well some of you at least, I am not putting everyone here, is that you don't necessarily know the feeling. Like, I agree that established or not it would be good to join these, but it is hard for me to work up the courage to. That is the point I am making.
     
  14. Elania al'Manir

    Elania al'Manir Aes Sedai Forum Moderator

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    If you do pop into chat, make sure to talk to mewl (either in #wheel or a private message). He's expressed similar worries, and may have more recently relatable experience.
     
  15. Qamra Daielin

    Qamra Daielin MoNsteR & Tech Documentation Orderly Gaidin Mistress of Novices & Recruits Tower Gatekeeper

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    I'm like you - shy.

    These suggestions are all fantastic!! AS well, definitely use PMs. If someone in a thread says something you are interested in, or have in common, feel free to send a PM!! This way it's more one on one and even thought it's a bit more out of the comfort zone, it's also not public *g*.

    I pmd someone because of their daughters name once (thinking it was from another book series), she ended up being my matron of honour years later. You never know where things will take you!

    I always found chat a great thing since conversation flows and easier to pipe in as mentioned :)
     
  16. Barmacral Tigana

    Barmacral Tigana Gaidin Master of the Watch

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  17. Liam al'Eire

    Liam al'Eire Poet Laureate Aes Sedai

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    I understand exactly what you're saying. I was the same way. My first 2 months here, I think I posted 4 times. Total. But I learned that the people here are really nice, and willing to help. The Citizen's Class helped.me out a lot (it was kind of a semi-anonymous way to meet some new people). I hope you do join us, but if not feel free to PM me or anyone here if you have a question. :D
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2017
  18. Chiyuki Nohara

    Chiyuki Nohara Aes Sedai Historian

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    I have social anxiety. There have been times in my life when I've been literally mute in the presence of people who were not my immediate family. There are times, still, when I cannot leave my house because the world outside it terrifies me. Over the last 10+ years this community is one of the things that has helped me.

    I was a Citizen for several years because I was too scared to ask for sponsors. It was frustrating but in hindsight I needed that time to find some confidence in myself and trust in other people. I hope, for your own sake, that it doesn't take you so long but no one will hold it against you if it does. :hug

    I know, believe me, I know how hard it is to find your place in a social group when being social is your biggest hurdle. It takes time and a lot of persistence but it can be done.


    Is there anything *you* would find helpful?


    And yeah sometimes a bit of this

    [​IMG]

    I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE LALALALALA :lol
     
  19. Aduiavas Ida

    Aduiavas Ida Aes Sedai Mistress of Revels - Europe Forum Moderator

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    I think a lot of us here can relate to your problem Elyth. :hug After all, we are members of an online book club for a 14 book long fantasy series :look I don't know very many social persons who have that much time to just sit and read, especially a series like this where you have to concentrate to follow the story :look

    Other than all the other great advice that is given here, I would recommend checking out the book forums. There we all discuss something we all have in common, the Wheel of Time books. That is a great way to start communications, and get new friends :)
     
  20. Vorusean el'Korim

    Vorusean el'Korim Citizen

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    Too true... The only thing I would add to that is that, in terms of psychology, one way to start to overcome shyness or timidity is to start sharing. Maybe once every few days post something about yourself and present a question to the rest of the members in the discussion. Think of it like practicing an instrument; repetition is the key to success. You share something, we share something, and eventually it will start to feel more natural and less stressful.