Ask Kessa, February Edition

Dear Kessa,

I'm trying to lose weight, but all of the healthier foods are so expensive! What do you suggest I do?

Sincerely,
A Plump Tairen

Dear Plump,

I feel your pain. Losing weight is very difficult without the proper motivation and circumstances. Soldiers, thieves, and the starving poor do not have to worry as the rest of us do about these types of issues, now do they?
So here is what you should do: go into a tavern tonight or perhaps the next. The rougher the place looks, the better. Have one or two drinks, but not too many. Then I want you to do something that will upset those in attendance: start a fight. Pinch a woman’s bottom. Cheat at dice or cards. Throw a drink in a man’s face, if necessary. Pick someone that will chase after you, but will not be able to run faster than your best speed. Once you have an angry woman or man on your heels, you will find the motivation to exercise those extra pounds away.

Best of Luck!
Kessa

Dear Kessa,

What should I do with two cats that fighting each other, and next second love each other as sisters?

Greetings,
A lady in brown

Dear Lady,

This sounds exactly like sisters. What sisters do not want to smack each other around now and then? Even so, if you want to stop their fighting, I suggest that you sit each down for a long talk. Ask them why they cannot get along. Maybe this is an issue that can be resolved with some good old-fashioned mediation. And if you doubt that will work because they cannot speak to you, congratulations! You are still holding onto reality. They are cats. If the fighting annoys you, yell at them and throw a shoe in their general direction. I find that is quite effective.

Best Wishes,
Kessa